Question: I was chatting with my mother recently, and my mother said all kinds of bad things about my girlfriend, and then I argued for my girlfriend on the spot and protected my girlfriend. My mother didn't say anything at the time, but she was still upset. Later, my girlfriend found out about this. Although she didn't say anything on the surface, one time we started to quarrel because of my mother's complaints (she had tolerated it before). I felt aggrieved to be caught in the middle. What should I do? Do it?
What should I do if my girlfriend quarrels with my mother?
Answer: All mothers feel that their children are very good, and most mothers also feel that the partners their children are looking for are not worthy of their children. Moreover, many parents like to elevate their own children and belittle their children. This is actually the current situation.
When I was dating my ex, I accidentally saw the chat history between him and his mother. His mother said that I was lazy and older than him. I will age quickly in the future. And his mother is a very hard-working person. I heard that after getting up at 6 a.m. in her hometown, she kept cleaning the house until 10 p.m. Moreover, in people's eyes, there is really a lot of work, and they feel that everything is dirty and unpleasant to look at, so they keep busy.
He and I had an online, long-distance, sister-brother relationship. After we got together, he came to Beijing and rented a very small, dilapidated house that was dark and trendy. The landlord only provides a bed, a writing desk, a filing cabinet, and a water dispenser. I go over to see him every weekend and have a meal together.
Once his mother came to Beijing to see him, and later she told him that I was too lazy and why didn’t I wash and dry his bedding every week. He told his mother at that time that I was like a little princess at home and didn't do any housework, so there was no way I could work at his place. I knew he had good intentions and wanted to protect me, but his mother was furious after hearing this. She even felt that I was not suitable to marry into their family and asked him to find someone who was diligent and could take care of the housework.
Back to this question, in front of your mother, you argue for your girlfriend. You think you are defending your girlfriend, but you ignore one thing: your mother will think that you have a daughter-in-law. Forget about mother, she was already dissatisfied with the person who robbed her son, but your argument made your mother even more chilled, so she has an even worse view of your girlfriend.
When your girlfriend knew about this, she was not only angry that she was not recognized, criticized, and questioned, but also that this person was your mother. This was a very fatal blow. She won't think that she is not good enough or worthy of you. She will be angry at you for not playing a good role in the process, and may even blame you for having such a picky mother.
If I were you, I would appease both parties and analyze these issues objectively. For example: She does have some shortcomings, and I actually have the concerns you mentioned, but her character is not bad, and she is also someone who can listen to advice. I will communicate with her carefully to see if we can be more suitable for each other.
With my girlfriend, I would say: My mother is quite stubborn, and there is a generation gap with us. She may be a bit extreme in looking at the problem, but she is really because she is too nervous about me and is afraid of me and that we will not be happy in the future. . After all, you are also your mother's baby. Parents want us to live well, so when they see problems, they will raise them with concern. But I think you are the right person. As long as we are happy, my mother will definitely respect my choice, and she will slowly see the good in you.
In this process, your role is not to add fuel to the fire or cheer for the opposing parties, but to be a fire extinguisher. In this way, both parties will be mentally at ease and comfortable. They will think that you are mature and capable of handling problems, and they will trust you more.
