Although the new marriage law has come out, couples who want to divorce have a 30-day cooling-off period. This restriction has reduced the number of divorced couples, but it does not essentially solve the problem, so how to maintain a harmonious couple Relationship is a problem that we must solve. Today we will take a look at the invisible attacks in intimate relationships!
1. What is stealth attack?
Stealth attack refers to the weak party in a relationship expressing the accumulated anger due to unequal status to the stronger party through indirect means such as delay, avoidance, deliberate provocation, and secret revenge. . Stealth attacks are like a "ticking time bomb" that may cause "heavy damage" to the person's body and mind at any time.
2. What are invisible attacks?
Those annoying behaviors in intimate relationships: neglect, contempt, sarcasm, ridicule, failure to fulfill commitments, avoidance, frequent lateness for appointments, cold violence, cheating etc., are often manifestations of stealth attacks.
Why do partners who love each other also have invisible attacks? Love and hate are often not opposites, and many people are in a "love-hate relationship".
Those unexpressed hatreds grow in "unresolved incidents" large and small in intimate relationships.
You have no sense of boundaries when getting along with other people of the opposite sex, and you won’t change your mind even if you say so;
You never post anything related to me in your circle of friends, and I feel that I am not taken seriously by you. ;
You never take the initiative to share housework and ignore my feelings;
Not only did you not delete your ex, you also gave him such an intimate note, which made me feel resentful;< /p>
You have cheated on me, and I think you should pay the price for your betrayal;
You always make fun of my work and belittle my work achievements, which makes me feel angry;
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……
For example: a man who is overly involved in his family of origin, his wife has been silently To endure, to accumulate anger. Every holiday, he takes his wife home to spend the holidays with his parents. His wife was always passive and even a little indifferent when getting along with her parents, which made him very distressed.
But he never asked his wife if she wanted to spend the holidays with his family. The two never communicated openly about this issue, hiding their true feelings and maintaining a peaceful marriage on the surface.
Five years later, the two divorced, and everyone was surprised.
Invisible anger and aggression are common reasons for couples to break up and divorce!
The famous psychoanalyst Bion proposed a concept of "negative hatred": repressed and unexpressed hatred Hate. Why is this happening?
Some people are afraid of retaliation after expressing hatred..
Some people fear that expressing hatred will damage relationships with others.
Some people are afraid that they will be severely judged by the "moral judge" in their hearts after expressing hatred...
However, the more the hatred is suppressed, the stronger it will accumulate. . When long-suppressed hatred is expressed in the form of invisible attacks, it is extremely lethal.
The more "unresolved issues" in an intimate relationship, the more hidden hatred towards each other, the more invisible attacks there will be, and the worse the quality of the relationship will be.
Those happy partners tend to cherish the opportunity to communicate. They do not shy away from conflict, indulge their emotions or hide their anger, or hope that conflicts will go away naturally. That’s why they will last a long time, do you understand?
